


The Ethics of Humanity

by adtrstiel



Series: Life In The Bunker (Being Human) [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cute, Cute Dean, Fallen Angels, Fallen Castiel, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Post Finale, Post Sacrifice, SPN - Freeform, Season/Series 08, graceless cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-08
Updated: 2013-06-08
Packaged: 2017-12-14 05:56:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/833528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adtrstiel/pseuds/adtrstiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Castiel falls, he finds his way back to Dean and has a nightmare. Dean tries to calm him down by talking to him back to sleep, and Castiel uses Dean to redeem himself and enlighten his mind to find out what it feels like to be human.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ethics of Humanity

Falling wasn't the worst part of it. Unlike most angels, Castiel still had his memory in tact. He remembered racing through the vastness of the forest while the sky lit up like a meteor shower, watching his brothers and sisters crash to the earth around him. Part of him wanted to cry, but he didn't know whether this was a good or bad thing. At that exact moment his whole world was changed and he was a human now. As much as Castiel glorified the human race as pure and misunderstood, there he was, perplexed at the sky and why this was happening, not wanting to be human, for he didn't know the first thing about it. What Sam and Dean had taught him and what 'skills' he seemed to acquire over the years were simply not enough to bring him the proper ethics about being human. He had the urge to fly away, find Dean, and yell, not at him but at the world. Deep down he knew this was his fault, and if it wasn't for most of the angels falling and losing their distinct memory, he'd be hunted and killed by his own family. And still he stood in the forest, staring at up at the shower of falling angels, so beautiful, yet so  arduous to him and to the world, how much he hated himself for it. It was the first time he truly felt hatred toward himself and let out a piercing scream, pulling at the tips of his hair and sinking to the moist soil, tattering his slacks that his now-own vessel wore. That all seemed like a blur to him.

He found Sam and Dean still, though it seemed impossible, for he wasn't too far away from them after all. Sam had fallen asleep in the back of the Impala as he was feeling horrible too, the trials completely destroyed him and all he had was Dean to aid him, as usual. He remembered Dean almost dropping Sam to the floor when he first saw him, bloody in the face and soil-stained clothes. He raced to him and helped him walk over to the Impala that was parked out in front of the empty church house. Castiel didn't speak even when Dean yelled at him, begging him to say something, a word, a sign that he was okay. No words were spoken on the way back to the bunker, just distant stares and dispondent sighs from Dean as he calmed his attitude and tried to soothe Castiel. He not but rested his head against the window of the somewhat-bumpy late night ride, wanting to cry, but not wanting to show Dean he was defeated. Often Dean rested his hand on Castiel's shoulder, letting him know emotions were okay now. After a while, he understood it must've been overwhelming for an angel who had so much faith in himself, so _sure_  he was gonna save the world, fail and fall to his own fate, becoming the worst thing you can be, a human.

When they reached the bunker, a deluge took over the once-gleaming skies. Thunder ripped and lightning flashed while Dean woke Sam hurriedly. Castiel took his time, being drenched in the downpour whilst staring up at the sky, looking for hope, but he knew there was no more heaven, no more hell, and he took a deep breath, full of perplexion and sorrow. He took pity on himself in the bunker, sitting on a chair, staring at absolutely nothing. Sam had fallen asleep again in a room somewhere. Dean sat across from Castiel, exhausted and confused. He sat with his legs spread open, leaning over with his hands fixed over a bottle of beer. He stared at the once-angel, furrowing his brows and trying to figure him out. He tried his best not to rush him to speak because he didn't want him to have an episode, but at the same time he _wanted_  him to react, at least it would be a sign that he was angry. Poor Castiel, didn't even know how to portray his exact emotions, he seemed okay to Dean, no frowns or worried brows, the same puppy-eyes he always shone with; Dean just knew something was wrong though. He figured he'd try again tomorrow. The only thing Castiel did respond to (not verbally, but physically) was when Dean nearly forced him to change out of his drenched clothes and into some boxers and a shirt if he wanted, and he did. He pulled the AC-DC shirt over himself and Dean wanted to laugh at Castiel's attempt to change himself, but he didn't want to omit any wrong emotions, so he kept it to himself. He offered Castiel a bed that was unfortunatley in the same room as his, but at the same time, _fortunate_ , for Dean would wait till he fell asleep to drift off on his own. After what seemed like an hour, Castiel finally slept in peace and Dean watched, amazed and stuck in an almost-trance. He observed how Castiel's stomach breathed in and out, the way he moved his mouth subtly when he slept. The noises Castiel murmurred in his sleep somehow soothed Dean's concious, hypontized by his gentle and sound-asleep snores. He felt a half smile grow in the corner of his mouth as he turned the light off and dove under the covers. _  
_

Around 2 AM, Dean woke to sudden shrieks and panicky breaths beside him, turning the light on fearfully to see Castiel sitting up in his bed, panting and damp from sweat, wide eyes wandering around the room.

"Cas, are you okay?" Dean asked, sitting up in his bed, staring carefully at him while he tried to calm himself down. Castiel did nothing but shake his head frantically, holding his heart and feeling it beat rapidly for the first time. "Cas, please answer me this time, you can't stay quiet forever." But he refused to say anything, still. Dean sighed, vexatiously while he sat at the edge of the bed and gazed at Castiel's still panting self. "Cas are you gonna talk to me?" he asked, hands folded over the space of his spread legs. Cas turned to him, terror in his eyes, lips parted slightly. Dean licked his lips and breathed in silently, amazed at how precious Castiel looked, he was so disturbed yet _precious_. His face was like a mirror image of the day Dean had taken him out to the strip club, the night before he thought he was gonna be torn apart by Raphael. That night he was so terrified and oblivious and _precious_  and the way he conveyed himself right now, reminded him of that night. But Castiel finally nodded and hummed a long breath, holding his chest. "What's the matter Cas?" he asked again, moving over to sit next to him. He didn't answer, he wanted to but he couldn't.  "Nightmare?" and Castiel furrowed his brows, confused. Then he began to pant again with a few coughs. "It's alright Cas, let it out man."

Dean rested his nervous hand on Castiel's heavy-breathing back and left it there, feeling everytime his eager heart beat. He began to rub in slow circles through the fabric of the shirt, trying to calm him and he felt Castiel's muscles relax. 

"That beter Cas?" he asked and he nodded back at Dean, looking down and trying to calm himself. "It's okay Cas, you're gonna have a lot of these" he whispered into his ear, resting his chin on Castiel's busy shoulder, "it's part of being human," and those words sailed into Castiel's ears and shot at him. He squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled loudly and Dean realized that that had hurt him. "I'm sorry" he whispered. Cas shook his head as if saying it was okay and exhaled, silently this time. He turned his head and stared into Dean's eyes and caught him so off guard, Dean took a breath and his heart fluttered. They gazed into each others' eyes, Castiel's blues getting lost in the green-ness that were Dean's. Dean gulped and broke the stare, licking his lips and looked away. Clearing his throat as if nothing special had happened, he told Catsiel, "You've gotta get back to sleep, you need the rest." Castiel nodded and turned, laying on his side. Unexpectedly, Dean crawled under the blankets next to him and wrapped his arms around Catsiel's body. He turned his head and looked, puzzled at Dean, who shook his head at him. "I don't want you to be scared Cas" Dean whispered into the crevice of his neck, "go to sleep." He heard Castiel sigh and he relaxed his head back down on the pillow that they now shared. Dean spooned his bent knees under Castiel's and squeezed him just a little closer.

"Dean" he muttered under his breath.

"Yeah Cas?" he asked, relieved that he finally spoke.

"I'm sorry for letting you and Sam down" he said.

"Cas, it's not entirely your fault, you did what you could."

"But I didn't do a very good job" he replied, all honesty in his voice.

"Cas, let's not talk about that right now okay? Being human isn't all _that_  bad. Sleep please."

"I'm scared Dean, I'm scared of the moving pictures in my head, I _can't_ sleep" he admitted, holding onto Dean's wrapped arms tight.

"Just try, if you relax, those images will turn into happier ones, okay?" Castiel sighed again and nodded. 

Dean could feel Castiel's heart beat normally now while his arms wrapped just under his chest, across his stomach. He could still feel Castiel's fingers pressed tensely into his arms, scared and unsure of everything. At times, his body shook and he exhaled stressfully.

"Calm down Cas" Dean whispered into his messy, dark hair. He tried to stop shaking, but his body had a mind of it's own at that moment.

"You know when I was little, I'd take Sam out to an empty space and I'd watch fireworks with him on the 4th of July because my dad was never really around. We'd just sit on the hood of the Impala and watch the fireworks and we'd run around an empty field with each other" he smiled to himself and felt as Castiel relaxed his back on Dean's chest. "It was hard growing up back then because of all the shit we did. We didn't stay in a town for more than a week and if we did, we were lucky. It was tough on Sammy because he really loved our dad and well, my dad had a funny way of showing it" he spoke calmly, stroking the soft strands of hair that Castiel managed to get messy. He slid his hand down, slowly and elegant, down the back of his ear, trickling down his side with the bare minimum of his fingertips, nearly brushing. He sensed Castiel's muscles corresponding with his feather-like touches and brushed, for his body grew warm. Without notice, he slowly turned to Dean and grabbed his hand, intertwining his fingers in the empty spaces between Dean's fingers. 

"I saw this in a movie once" Cas whispered, nervously looking at Dean and asking with eyes if it was okay, if it was okay that he was touching him because he knew how much Dean hated being touched. "If you don't mind."

"No Cas," he whispered, half smile growing in the corner of his mouth, then falling short as Castiel scooted closer to him, "it's...it's okay." He gulped and his heart began to flutter and he took a deep breath, staring over Castiel.

"Tell me more about when you were a child, Dean" he said, still holding his hand, nervously though, yet non-chalant and confident.

Dean took a moment to begin, utterly confused with Castiel. "Well when we were in school,  _when_ we'd actually go, I'd stick up for him because he'd always get picked on. I remember one time he was getting shoved into lockers and I came up to him and told him 'lookin' good Sammy' and then bullies were just like, 'what the fuck?'" he laughed and Cas smirked, confused as his brows came together with a slightly tilted head and half squinted eyes. "Because I was the 'cool' kid" he motioned, forming his fingers into quotation marks before Castiel grabbed his hand again, panicky and afraid to let go. Dean smiled and stared at their joined hands, "and since then, everyone thought he was cool, until we moved schools again" he smiled, caught off guard by Castiel's yawning face, mezmorized by his plump and pink lips that could use some chapstick. He licked his lips and left them partially parted while Cas finished, bringing his face down again and stared at Dean, waiting for more stories. 

"Tell me more Dean" he said, groggy and tired.

Dean giggled silently and nodded, still holding Castiel's hand, "well once for Christmas, Sam swore our dad was gonna come home to be with us, and I kept telling him he'd be home any minute, even though I knew he wasn't. Sam finally gave up and I felt really bad so I gave him a present. He opened it and," he laughed, "it was a girl toy, he was so mad."

"Why did you give him a toy for young girls?" he asked, so solemn and honestly interested and confused.

"I stole it, I didn't know what was in it" he laughed and sighed nostalgically, "I was just trying to get him to be a little happier. Then I felt like shit when he gave me this" he said, removing his hand from Castiel's and held his golden necklace between his fingers. Castiel rushed to grab hold of Dean's hand again, fixing his fingers in between Dean's just as they were, feeling relaxed again at the touch of his skin. Dean smiled to himself. "It was supposed to be for our dad, but he never came, so he gave it to me" he frowned, still looking down at it. He trickled his eyes up and noticed Castiel was already staring and it made his heart skip a few beats. "And when I was uh-" he muttered, distracted by the almost magnetic attraction of his stare, licking his lips, "when I was little, Bobby..he..." he murmurred, barely auidible, "he played catch with me, whether it was uh-...a basbeall or football, he was more of a dad than our dad ever was." Castiel's eyelids began to batter slowly, eyelids flustering about. Dean gulped and watched as Castiel fell asleep, till he opened his eyes again.

"Dean" he whispered, half asleep, still holding onto his hand.

"Yeah Cas?" he whispered back, taken back by Castiel's beautiful face and voice.

"Can I try something?" he asked innocently, but tired.

"Yeah Cas, what is it?"

"I saw it in a movie once, I've done it before but I want to try it on you" he said, parting his lips and moving closer to Dean's. And this would be it, Dean thought, the moment he'd been waiting for, as if Castiel had taken long enough to take a hint. He fluttered his eyes shut, eyeballs moving about under his lids as Castiel softly pressed his lips on Dean's ever-so-ready ones. At that moment, Castiel felt whole and pure; enlightened by Dean's embrace, he traced his hand from Dean's hand, down his arm, just up and over his chest, and around his neck, bringing him closer, afraid to let go and do anything else, for being locked with Dean made everything seem better. He parted his lips halfway through the kiss, inhaling Dean's alchohol-drawn breath but not minding it, and exhaled back, his other hand on the line of Dean's cheek. Dean's arms wrapped around Castiel's body again, stroking up and down his back, faster this time and so careful, oh so careful though, for he was afraid of making Castiel feel uncomortable. Castiel let out this half-moan, half-sigh between a kiss and Dean let go.

"It's okay Cas, it's okay to be human, this is what humans do" he whispered, pulling Catsiel's body on top of his. Castiel's silent and breath-filled whimpers were almost cries and Dean stroked his body to let him know everything was okay, to finally let it all out. He felt honestly pure knowing  _he_ was Castiel's escape from his nightmares and horrors. Though it had only been not even a full day without his grace, he seemed to find himself at home when he embraced Dean. He never felt so _alive_ while his body almost grinded Dean's,  never letting his lips go and hardly coming up for air. Dean let him go at it for a while because he knew this was the only way to redeem himself, a way to stop hating himself. And to Dean, it felt right too. Castiel took it upon himself from what he learned in this so called 'movie' and ran his lips down to Dean's neck and traversed across it, sighing and breathing heavily. His legs spread down to Dean's, nearly touching his toes and whenever his legs  _did_ brush up against his toes, Dean's body flustered about, exhaling while Castiel went at him. His back arched up and Dean's hands palmed over the dentation of Cas' arched back, thumbs stroking his sides. He felt Castiels' body grow warm and saw it as he turned a reddish hue. Upon his lower stomach, he could feel Castiel's dick harden beneath his boxers and it somehow turned Dean on, sending chills down his spine while Cas still went at his neck, making his way to his collarbones. He let go of him with an almost audible moan, now straddling Dean's body that lay effortlessly on the mattress, bewildered and relieved. Castiel rested his hands on Dean's stomach, looking down and catching his breath. Once relaxed, he began to feel at the bulge of his now erect dick, feeling it through the very thin fabric of the boxers. Dean licked his lips while he watched Castiel feel himself for the first time and oddly enough, it was a beautiful thing to see. He watched as Castiel's throat hitched when he slid his hand under the elastic and touched it for the first time, raising his ass up once, then falling slowly back on Dean's lower stomach. Dean didn't hesitate to help Castiel remove his boxers, as he slid his own hand down his boxers too, feeling and grunting along with him. Soon his boxers were at the end of the bed too and Castiel took on Dean's aggressive stroking of his own cock. He had leaned back, then his other hand pressed into the mattress to hold himself up. Dean sat down now, holding Castiel's lower back while they stroked and groped their own cocks together. Dean smiled between his grunts and moans at how beautiful Castiel looked, how new to this he was, how naive of a human he was. Cas sprung his head forward, forcing Dean down accidentally as he gritted his teeth and began to whimper helplessly in Dean's neck.

"Let it out Cas" he whispered into his ear, holding onto his head. He felt Castiel come, for his body trembled and stuttered, breathing out of rythym on Dean's body while he came too, drawing his head back and opening his silent mouth. Castiel finally fell on him, all the weight of his troubles leaving his body and now breathing into Dean's neck. "I got you Cas" he whispered, pressing his lips into the side of Cas' head while his body's stutters and shakes calmed down, breathing regularly again. The serene silence of Castiel's body bewildered Dean and noticed he had fallen asleep on him. He stared at his sleeping body and softly stroked the almost perfect indentations of his bone structure on his back with his gentle fingertips. He closed his eyes and inhaled through his nose, taking this moment all in, for he'd have many more with Castiel, for he had many more things to learn in the ethics of humanity, and this was the best part of it.

 


End file.
